• Was my last post about nationwide songwriting really stupid? I'm trying to be all zen about this.

Yesterday, I posted about how I was working on a song with Dave Tutin, a friend who lives in New York. I live in San Francisco, so I went with the oh-so-clever title of "nationwide songwriting".

I waited for the laudatory comments to pour in, but only one popped up. It said:

"This is stupid. Without additional audio clips, the revised lyrics don't add a thing. It's kind of a cool tune. Let us hear how it develops.... JB"

Now, my first instinct was to write some sort of snide comment back, but I've been a writer in advertising long enough to know that many, many of the things I do are stupid.

So I calmed down, re-read the comment, re-read the post and... I gotta with JB. It was stupid. I mean, what the hell is the point of a BEFORE without an AFTER?

Right.

Next week, possibly sooner, I will complete the second version of the demo.

And just to clarify, I didn't start on music until Dave was happy with the words he'd written, so there is no BEFORE and VERSION with just a change in lyrics. Rather, the BEFORE and AFTER versions will be different in music alone.

One last note: I also screwed up the way I posted the lyrics, so here they are again.

DAVE’S ORIGINAL “VERSE IN NEED OF A SONG”

THE FORGOTTEN PLACE

There's a need that burns like a forest fire
Scattering the casualties of my desire
From Hong Kong to London
From Bangkok to Rome
From New York to Rio
To a forgotten place called home

MY FIRST WHACK AT COMPLETING DAVE’S TUNE

THE FORGOTTEN PLACE

There's a need that burns
Like a forest fire
Scattering (s) the casualties (ashes)
of my desire

From Hong Kong to London
From Bangkok to Rome
From New York to Rio
To a forgotten place called home

But nothing grows
No, nothing works out
Because all the seeds scattered
Are just seeds of doubt

In Singapore cafés
Under cathedral domes
In hotels and airplanes
All forgotten like that place called home

(these four lines are from a poem of Dave’s that I thought would form a god middle 8)
There are some Jigsaw cities
where I may rest a while
Knowing I am safe
within the suburb of your smile

But the need still burns
Until it all lights on fire
And scatters one more casualty
Of my desire

And I go back to London
I go back to Rome
I go back to Rio
But I can never go back
To that forgotten place called home

WHAT DAVE ULTIMATELY WROTE

THE FORGOTTEN PLACE

There's a need that burns
Like a forest fire
Scattering the casualties
of my desire
In love and loss
In flood or drought
All the seeds I've scattered
Were just seeds of doubt

From Hong Kong to London
From Bangkok to Rome
From New York to Rio
To a forgotten place called home

Sparks on the wind
And a new fire starts
The ecstasy of every
Collision of hearts

From Berlin to Cape Town
From Bangkok to Rome
From Singapore to Paris
To a forgotten place called home

But the need still burns
And that wall of flame
Stops you from returning
The way you came

And with their mother's ghost
Still between the sheets
My imaginary children
Walk the streets

From Hong Kong to London
From Bangkok to Rome
From New York City
To a forgotten place called home

©2008 Dave Tutin / openDmusic

©2008 Jeff Shattuck / Cerebellum Blues Music

Comments

[Dave Tutin]

One of my favorite quotes is..."There are only two kinds of people in the world...those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't!"

In this case it simply illustrates that there are two kinds of people in the world...those who are interested in the crafting of lyrics and those who just want to hear the tune!

Both are ok. But the word 'stupid' is too strong under any circumstances.

[Jeff]

Thanks, Dave. You and I are word guys, so seeing old words evolve into new, GREAT words is cool. Hope some other people who read the post feel the same way.

[Dave Tutin]

I've always believed that nothing is more wasted than a great melody carrying meaningless words.

Actually, I think that's the definition of today's pop music. It's why the Beatles are still special, once you get beyond "I want to hold your hand".